humour and victimisation.

humour and victimisation

I found this article fascinating. Hugely interesting comments and findings about humour, aggression and victimisation. Important stuff for both physical and emotional wellbeing I feel.

Really interesting.thanks.

Pick up artists like Neil Strauss author of The Game ALWAYS say you must not make fun of yourself when interacting with women.

It kind of makes a mockery of the whole "harden the fuck up" argument when it comes to ridicule.

I would argue that the oppisite is actually the case. You should be MORE aware and MORE sensitive to those who seek to use ridicule as a method of control. Even worse, then they label it as being nothing more than "teasing."

That's not to say that I advocate flying off the handle at every derogatory comment or that I think there is no place for humour and not taking yourself too seriously. I just think that others should not dictate the terms of your feelings about what is said.

I spend a lot of time around horses. They are prey animals and as a result most people would consider them docile and placid of nature. In reality they are ruthless in their herd. Consistently and aggressively creating a hierarchy within the herd based around survival of the fittest. If a horse wants to eat or drink it is with the permission of the those animals in a more dominant position. Ther more dominant horses eat first, drink first and maintain their health and strength at the expense of weaker animals. Weaker animals are bitten, kicked and butted into submissive behaviour. They don't eat each other but they certainly make sure that they wont be the ones picked off by the lions!

My view is that even the most seemingly harmless jostling for position via ridicule should be looked at and a decision made around it's intent. To do anything else can lead to significant issues later. Now, I don't have a think skin and I certainly have a group of people who are ready willing and able to take the proverbial, I just make sure that in the same way I pick my more physical encounters carefully I weigh up attitude and words just as carefully.

AND.. specifically for kids I think they should be taught that ALL ridicule and teasing is unacceptable until they are old enough to know what is relatively harmless and what is impacting on their image of themselves.

I totally agree Chris.
My "problem" is that i let people take too much liberties with me until i snap.
It's funny when you confront them (and they realise you are not the easy target they tought) they always say "it's just a joke...i meant no harm..."

I recall some years ago when someone thought it was 'funny' to call my girlfriend a prostitute because she wasn't white, this was what passed as office humor for her at the time.

It was a while ago and she's since grown up a lot so I get long with her but at the time I was outraged and it resulted in me now speaking to her unless nessecary for several years.

I do know a few mates of mine who are fond of doing things that embarriss you, which is fine in and of itself but I draw the line when it comes to belittling something that someone has put a lot of effort into, such as singing or playing guitar in my case.

It has the effect on me that though I do post videos on youtube I don't often tell a lot of people about them in case somebody at work find out and deliberatly get everyone to watch.

I personally take little part in humor of that sort purely cos I don't have a taste for it. Other seem to enjoy it and can take it was well as give it and I do smile and laugh when I end up the butt of a joke simply because I know no harm is meant but in all honestly I'm neither amused nor impressed

I think we all realize that there is such a thing as work place or social 'banter' which includes taking the p**s. This can be harmless and quite amusing. I work in an organization where it is the norm. However for what ever reason the people who do take the mick will continue to push to see just how far they can go before people 'snap'.

Sometimes the goal of the ridicule is to make the person 'snap' and retaliate whether it be verbal or physical. Some times the instigator is looking to goad the individual into responding in such a way that they will be seen to be 'justified' in giving that person a beating as it was 'self defense'. Usually followed by the lines "I don't know what got into him, we were all having a laugh and then he just flipped for no reason and attacked me, I had to defend myself, didn't I?"

I personally do not dish out personal insults as general 'banter' as I don't like receiving them. I insult those who insult me and I try to let everyone who I am close to or work with know that although I am up for a laugh. I am not willing to be anybody's stooge and the constant butt of their jokes.

Hey Dave, I think the issue is in who decides what is "banter" and what is ridicule. If you feel you are not in a position to exert some measure of control over how people speak to you then I think that is a big problem. All too often that control is dressed up with "it's only banter," or "harden the fuck up" and that's fine as long as you are an active participant in that decision making process.

Nobody else should ever dictate how you should act (within legal requirements) and they should certainly not be allowed to dictate how you feel. That includes direction to "harden up" as if it is something to ALWAYS be admired rather than simply something that is an option.

I strongly believe that if you are going to teach self protection then good protection emotionally is a key component. It aids in perspective and it hopefully prevents people flying off the handle once they have reached a saturation point. This stuff isn't just physical it's mental and emotional as well.

Chris, couldn't agree more it is usually the person delivering the slur or banter that passes it off as such. The person receiving the slur or banter is the person who should pass judgment on how the comment is actually taken, and therefore what it actually is.

Some people just don't have good communication / people skills and they will go through life speaking to people in a way that they think is the norm and in a way that they think is not offensive. (I know as I currently work with one)

Wether they should pay more attention to other peoples feelings is not top of their agenda. That's why they need to be challenged by people when they deliver these comments. The challenge doesn't need to be aggressive or patronizing, it can simply take the shape of simply pointing out that you would like that person to stop saying certain things to you or that certain areas of your life are not up for general banter. If it continues you could always just not speak with that person and give them a wide berth, or in extreme circumstances call the Police. Or if in a school or workplace you could always report it to teachers or supervisors.

I was once in a work environment where we had a couple fo minor supervisors/foremen who were always doing this type of thing

I used to stand there and give them a round of applause then walk away
worked for me

mind you one time a guy called Denis Johns at Dunlops in Rochdale got on to me so much in the canteen that I got down on my hands and knees and started barking

when he asked what the **** I was doing I said

"If you treat me like a dog, I'll act like one"

He shook his head and walked away