Maturity

Hi all

I have been hanging around some people who work in the retail security industry the same as i work in. I have noticed however that even with 5 plus years in the job myself that these guys operate at a higher level, it seems that they way they act/speak sort of commands respect without it being harsh, ,it seems that they can articulate what they want to say clearly and are listened to.

These guys are shorter in the job than me so i can't put it down to experience directly, nor are they massive brutes who command respect/attention out of fear, thayre seems to be a maturity to them thats not directly realted to years.

Question is how the hell do you develop that? Is it just your soical upbringing/social skills developed from when you where wee??

I sometimes feel that i'm unable to command the attention of managers say regarding an issue and i want to improve my communication as well as using some verbal impression that the scumbags wont fuck with me and i wont have to wrestle on the floor too much, i'm getting a bit old for that!

Thanks

BUSTER

I'm not sure what we're talking about here mate to be honest, They're better at handling management or customers/shoplifters ?

Also to be honest I've never met you in real life and so couldn't venture an opinion as to what these lads are doing that you're not...

I do recall that there were several old lads in my office (usually people who had come from more physically demanind jobs to my place simply to wait untill retirement) and they generally did not seem to suffer from the complete lack of respect many of the younger lads did, epecially the obviously nervous ones. A lot of the gobby young women would be more careful when talking to them it seemed to me and as you say none of them were physically intimidating

Hey Buster,

Some people have a natural gravitas. When they are in the room people gravitate to them and their opinion is sought when something needs to be decided.

The reason is usually because they are considered a safe pair of hands. Or, because they are considered a good bet to come out on top if the situation is uncomfortable or confrontational. In short, they are people we are prepared to defer to because we feel they are going to be on the winning side.

The dynamic changes along with the population of any given room. There are people I would defer to for some things and people I most certainly would not defer to. In my job in come conversations I have to make them listen whether they want to or not. That means I have to speak with clarity, authority and certainty. I never speak until I know exactly what I am going to say and I never make a statement which is ambiguous or uncertain.

If I want people to get behind me then I have to give them the confidence to do so. I have to look like I have the situation in hand and it's just another day at the office. The guys who get respect aren't special, they just look like a sure thing.

you need to have your aura read, yours projects an image of weakness its not something that can be seen but people subconsciously are influenced by it.

auras are the answer to many questions, why dog attack, how a baby recognises its parent (although its eyes are not fully developed) why ugly men do well with good looking woman, why some people are seen as 'scary'

sounds like bullshit but if it is true it would make so much sense. imagine a billboard above your head telling people how you feel and what you might be going to do, your aura does this on a subconscious level

i think what i have written could be crap, but i did a job for a woman who explained it a lot better than I just have...... and when she finished i was a believer

Basically natural confidence mate, but it can be bluffed and many's a doorman does it.... I won't tell ya how to suck eggs but do you have low self esteem mate ? I used to suffer from it, the scars of childhood lol, basically when you stop giving a fuck about anyone else's opinion of you, or how people see you, your confidence will grow enormously, hope this helps !

I agree with Gov.

me too